Writing Task 2

In many countries children are engaged in some kind of paid work.Some people regard this as completely wrong,while others consider it as valuable work experience, important for learning and taking responsibility.

Ok people, i was absent the day this was given.I decided on doing this days back..er..well i did IT finally today, but it took me 50 min(!!!)
I know, iam working on it; trying to limit my self to 40min.
So come on, be rude, be nice, dissect this essay and tell me where i stand.



As the unquenchable demand for quality work increases, more child workers are dragged into the vicious, growing circle of never ending hard work at a tender age.Some masses, use this excuse to satisfy themselves and others in the name of responsibility. In what is to follow, I will try to throw light on both the aspects.

{DON'T GO OVERBOARD ON THE "POWER' ADJECTIVES}

Often parents encourage their off springs {OFFSPRING} to take up part time jobs. This helps in inculcating the value of money in the child’s mind. {NEW SENTENCE} Moreover IT assists him/her {YUK} to polish his/her social skills. Let me quote the example of my 17 year old cousin in THE Uk, who IS VERY PROUD OF his very own personal stereo system and pc. He bought this by working part time in McDonalds. An additional year at the same joint, would show his invariable professionalism and responsible attitude towards his choice of work in his resume, for the time being. Such initial work exposure in youngsters, harbors the decision making ability to choose what sort of career they want in future. {BIT TOO"WORDY"}

Coming to the other aspect of paid work. Statistically speaking, currently there are 2.5 million child workers in a {THE} state of India. They toil day and night in sweat shops, tea stalls, factories to support their parents. On visits to Pakistan , I {HAVE WITNESSED}witness child hawkers sprawling {WC ERROR} the streets, from selling fresh flowers to balloons. Such pitiful workers die every year due to road accidents at an alarming rate. Sadly, no one take {G ERROR} notice at their plight. Another pathetic situation is the demanding carpet industry in Asia, who {G ERROR} prefer to hire 4-5 year olds because of their softer hands- {P ERROR}which means high quality carpet. Yes, such children will learn the meaning of responsibility, gain hard earned experience but- {P ERROR} at the cost of loosing {S ERROR} their childhood. Poor, infant girls start assisting their mothers who perform chores house to house, and eventually end up believing that this is what life has to offer. Education awareness and the urge to be an individual , is {SVA ERROR} a cry, far distant -not even heard of.


To sum up, I forcefully stick to my stand that, infants, children are like budding flowers. They need love, protection and {ARTICLE MISSING} sense of being worth, till they become capable of judging what is good for them. Let them grow, bloom and glow with confidence or they will wither before age.

{VERY POETICAL ENDING TO A RATHER GRIM ESSAY OTHERWISE. SORRY THAT MY PC AT WORK IS NOT WINDOWS XP - HENCE THE LACK OF COLOUR / DIFFERENT FONTS}
YES, YOU ARE NOW "PLAYING THE IELTS GAME". YOU CAN'T BEAT CITY HALL!
THE ESSAY WORKS AND DELIVERS A POWERFUL MESSAGE WITH VALID EXAMPLES/REFERENCES FROM YOUR PERSONAL EXPERIENCE.
NICE ONE, MUBS! JUST GO EASY ON THE HYPERBOLE!
CHEERS